A Special Share Of My Book, Failing At Fatherhood. . .

Hello Friends, Readers, and Welcome New Friends,

 

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”

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Excerpt From Failing at Fatherhood

Marley, today I came home from work, and I heard you yelling when I pulled up on my scooter. From the street I could hear your innocent voice calling out to me—“Da-ddy, Da-ddy.” As I walked up the steps towards our sliding glass front door, I saw you standing there with your arms up in the air waiting for a hug. Only God knows how long you would stand there waiting for me so you could give me you’re welcome home hug. As I bend down and hug your little toddler body, I can barely hold back the tears of shame that I now carry in my daily life, the shame I have of abandoning you mentally and emotionally for the first year of your life. How I long to go back then and know what I know today as I hug you so tight that you begin to giggle. You have shaped my life for the better and taught me about a love I could never truly understand before your birth.

When I wrote the CNN article, I read comments about the hatred you would feel towards me one day. How could I share the darkest thoughts of my soul about my own daughter? Many parents were sure to point out that one day you would not only hate me, but also refuse to love me because of how I treated you during your first year. As I finish this book, I accept that you may abandon me the same way I abandoned you that first year. If that fate comes, I will fully accept it, because that would only be a fair response to my failures as a father to you. The day is coming that you will not see me as the hero hugging you now, but before that day comes, I want you to understand that I believe true healing comes through honesty.

This book is because of you, and the change in my life would never have occurred without you. Today, I have a love for you that I could have never imagined or comprehended before the words Down syndrome entered our family’s life. My love for you and the journey of our lives need to be shared because many fathers out there are receiving news that will forever change them. You are a beautiful blessing who has taught me many things these first few years. It started out difficult for me, but I promise you I will be right here loving and caring for you until we meet our father in heaven. When you were born, I was scared. Even before I knew about your extra chromosome, I was scared. The idea of having another person in my life to care for worried me day and night. I never really told Mommy, but I was fearful of being a terrible father. From the moment you were born, I was anxious about you and your health. The only things I could think about were the problems that you might have instead of enjoying the beautiful person you are.

When the doctor told me that you had Down syndrome, I went into panic mode. I knew you were different. The problem was that I could not see past the diagnosis. You are different, just like how I am different, and how Mommy is different. You are the most beautiful person I have ever met and the sweetest girl in the world, except when you don’t nap. Now I look forward to spending time with you every day. Things I used to love to do like play basketball, watch ESPN, and listen to the Orioles all come second after you. You have made me a better husband, father, and person in this world. The bear hugs we share are some of the happiest moments of my life. Our secret kisses through the mosquito net on your crib are the final nightcap I cherish every evening before going to bed. The little things like chowing down on hamburgers together because momma refuses to eat that junk food would have been nonexistent without you. I pray to God that we are able to spend many years together, and I thank him for the great blessing that you are in my life.

As I close, I pray that you will one day forgive me for my insecurities and doubts. I am going to spend the remainder of my life teaching you, loving you, helping you, and protecting you. You are a gem in this world that some people may never choose to experience. I know there will be days that we will cry together, but there will be more days that we laugh and dance together.

The world can be a cruel place but the great news is that you will overcome it. You have a bloodline of fighters, and I already see the fight you will bring against anyone who doubts you! God is on your side, and he has a greater plan for you than he ever had for Mommy and me. The things he has done with your life these first three years are amazing. I love you, my beautiful daughter, and thank you for entering my life so I could see the beauty that only you could show me. —“Da-ddy”

www.iftheyhadavoice.org
Jack Barr, Author of Failing at Fatherhood
http://www.amazon.com/Failing-Fatherhood-book-imperfect-father-ebook/dp/B00OSSQDGA

 

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My Guest Author Interview With Peoples Internet Radio Host, Stephen Roberts of “Cancel The Cabal.”

Hello Friends and Welcome Readers & New Visitors,

 

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Failing at Fatherhood: A book for the imperfect father

I want to share a wonderful opportunity I was given to share all about my new book, Failing at Fatherhood, A book for the Imperfect Father, family life, and share about Down Syndrome with Peoples Internet Radio Host, Stephen Roberts, from the show “Cancel the Cabal.”

I want to thank him for the wonderful talk and interview. I hope you will take a little time out of your day to take a listen to my interview, and hope you learn more about Down Syndrome and my book.

There were a few internet clichés due to me being across the world in Bangkok Thailand, and we lost out signal a few time, but over all it went great. So I hope you enjoy listening to the interview and hope to learn more about our family, and our advocacy about Down Syndrome.
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Failing At Fatherhood author Jack Barr on February 27, 2015 Peoples Internet Radio.

Failing At Fatherhood author Jack Barr on February 27, 2015 Peoples Internet Radio.

March 2, 2015|Posted in: article, broadcast, Cancel The Cabal, network, News, Stephen Roberts, truth broadcast network, video

“Click And Listen”: http://www.youtube.com/embed/MATGEYHaeZ4

Failing At Fatherhood Author Jack Barr was here on Friday night, February 27,m 2015 On Peoples Internet Radio’s Cancel The Cabal Show to speak on his book.

Failing at Fatherhood ~ Award winning Author, Jack Barr’s honest struggles as a father, after receiving his child’s diagnosis of Down syndrome three weeks after her birth. He excavates the past, examines the present, and explores his future life in a sincere attempt to understand his personal failures as a father during his first year of parenthood. Throughout the book, Jack wrestles with the decision of divorce, suicide, and the existence of God. However, with His ultimate direction, Jack is able to understand the significance of fathers being committed to their children.
A truly surprising and inspirational interview. And I thank you to everyone who tuned in to listen.

Author, Jack Barr, Jana & Marley Barr
Please connect with us on Twitter @jackjanamarley ~ Like Us On FB: https://www.facebook.com/JackBarrAuthor.FailingFatherhood

And visit our Website: http://www.iftheyhadavoice.org/
My Book is Available here on Amazon
http://www.amazon.com/Failing-Fatherhood-book-imperfect-father/dp/B00OSSQDGA/

What Has God Taught Us? Let Me Tell You. . .

Hello Friends, Readers, and Welcome New Friends,

As many parents who care for a child with down syndrome or any disability, it can be a challenge.
But Jana and I keep close to our faith to help us through each day. So I thought today I would share with you what God has taught us so far on this journey we all call life. No matter what lies ahead for our future, we know when we keep our love and faith in God, we can make it through even the hardest storms that come our way. . .
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Nine years ago we made the decision to leave everything that was familiar to us and move to the other side of the world. One night while we were still living in Tennessee, Jana came home from teaching gymnastics, and asked whom I was talking with on the phone. I told her I was interviewing for a job at an International Christian School, in Bangkok Thailand.  She gave me a look that was intended to be profanity, but since we were good little Christians, she did not openly yell at me. I knew immediately it would not go well after I finished my phone conversation with ICS.  Once I hung up the phone, I quickly told her that I was offered a job, and the good news was they had an open elementary position.

What happened next was not the yelling attack I expected, but instead she smiled, and we started searching for Thailand on a map.  As I reflect back on this life changing decision, I think it would be good to share some things we have learned while serving in BKK.  I also want to encourage you this week to contemplate what God has taught you these past few years.  Too often in life, we don’t take the time to see what God has done in our lives.

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Jack – I have realized the true definition of depression.  I spent an entire year depressed after Marley was born.  I believe it was the hardest year of my life and I was worthless as a father during that time.  God taught me the value of a dedicated wife, and the healing we can receive through talking with people who have been there. The greatest part of that year was realizing my relationship with God was not where I thought it was, and my need for daily faith.

Jana – God’s creativity runs deep and wide. We have met so many different and interesting people while living in Thailand. Through each of these encounters and relationships, God has revealed Himself to us in different ways. It is through and because of these relationships that my relationship with the Creator has grown.

Jack – The enormous responsibility we have to mentor the next generation. God has opened my eyes to the struggles of our students at ICS.  The time we spend talking and caring for these students is a necessity.  Numerous young men and women have told us thank you for just taking the time to build a relationship with them outside of school.  We believe that is our greatest ministry at ICS.

Jana – God has been teaching me about humility for years and years. He has used so many of the years here in Bangkok to show me how little control I have in my own life, AND how much greater His plan is for me than what I have planned for myself.

Jack – There are days I love being a father and days I hate being a father.  I love the sweet smiles and hugs Marley gives me constantly throughout the day.  But I also hurt when I see people look at her differently, or when she struggles to complete tasks that are easier for others.  My own father dying at an early age inspired me to change my life, but I wish I could sit down with him now, and tell him I finally understand the love he had for me.

Jana – Unreached people groups are hiding within our own communities. We must pray for God to open our eyes to those people in need. We were never aware of the great need for families with special needs children until God made us aware. I think some of the raw emotions that we experienced as God showed/catapulted us into awareness is a taste of the deep love that God has for those who are hurting and lost.

Marley – I would say that she has learned that life is going to be fun sometimes and hard sometimes.  There will be times that Daddy/Mommy will let her splash in the rain puddles, eat a French fry, and wrestle the cat into submission.  Unfortunately, there will also be times that she will not get what she wants just because of who she is.  Pulling the cat’s ears, throwing her food, and biting will be followed by disciplinary actions.

Learn more about Jack and his book at http://www.iftheyhadavoice.org/
Follow Us on Twitter @jackjanamarley
Follow & Like Us on FB: https://www.facebook.com/JackBarrAuthor.FailingFatherhood/
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God Bless Friends,
~Jack, Jana and Marley~
http://www.amazon.com/Failing-Fatherhood-book-imperfect-father/dp/B00OSSQDGA

My Guest Article Written For, “My Big Jesus” ~ A Place For Spiritual Inspiration.

Hello Friends, Readers, and New Visitors,

It’s not everyday I get invited to be a guest writer on many websites. But my friends at “My Big Jesus” have given me a platform, and invitation to share about my new book and advocate a little about
Down Syndrome from a personal and family perspective of raising a child with downs, and to share hope with other families doing so as well. So I thought I would also share it here on my blog with all of you, my friends and supporters.

I want to thank the good people at, My Big Jesus for this wonderful opportunity to do so. Please go by and give their website a visit here: http://www.mybigjesus.com/, as I know you will be inspired after you have. Here is a little about them.
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My Big Jesus:

Your Jesus is too small. The idea that Jesus is King has cosmic implications for the way those who follow him see the world. Jesus not only wants to reconcile all people, created in his image, to himself; but he is also at work in and through his image bearers reconciling all things to himself. Meaning, Jesus redeems both people and all of culture: film, parenting, marriage, education, justice and mercy efforts, intellection endeavors, academics, finances, vocation, Christian identity, friendship, leisure – every area of life and culture. MyBigJesus.com will be a landing-place to find the voices that reflect this truth.
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Evangelical Presbyterian Church
Chris Lawson
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Founder of MyBigJesus.com, husband to Merri, father to Adam, Ellie, and Zachary, disdainer of Lucy (the dog), and executive pastor @reynoldachurch. Lives to make Jesus famous. He enjoys watching the Atlanta Braves and UNC basketball, as well as demeaning and insulting whatever sports teams you root for. He knows a disturbing amount about television and movies.

My Guest Article on My Big Jesus
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by Jack Barr

“The day my daughter Marley was born, I went straight to the nursery and held her for well over two hours. I just held her and cried because I had never experienced such a love for anyone or anything in my life.  I think the nurses thought I was crazy because eventually they told me I needed to go be with my wife. Three days later, before we left the hospital, the pediatric doctor told us she thought Marley might have Down syndrome”.

I immediately had a panic attack and was taken to the emergency room. Thoughts were racing through my mind: How could my perfect daughter have Down syndrome? How could they not know for sure? How could the general ultrasound, which said we had a 1-in-18,000 chance of having a child with Down syndrome, be wrong? Why was God punishing me? How could I live with a daughter that was going to be rejected by everyone … including myself?

I entered into a deep depression for the first year of Marley’s life. My wife became concerned about me, so I started taking antidepressants and seeing a counselor. I contemplated leaving my wife and suicide. I would lie awake at night thinking about my future, and searching for a reason to live. I believed all the negative things the world told me about Down syndrome, and viewed it as a curse on my family. The entire time, I couldn’t stop thinking about how this would change my life! Finally, one Saturday morning, when Marley was about 2 months old, I got up and told my wife I was going for a walk. I had no intention of coming back.

After I left, I started having second thoughts, and that’s when I remembered that my wife had signed up for an online support group.  I opened an email and phoned a father in India that I had never met. He had a 2-year-old son with Down syndrome and we talked for hours.  He was the first person since Marley’s birth that spoke truth into my life about Down syndrome. After that conversation I had the strength to go home and face another day.

Year ago, my father said to me, “If you want to fix a problem, then do something about it”.

I followed his advice. First, I tried to gain as much knowledge as I could about raising a child with Down syndrome. Next, I started calling every family I could find that had a child with Down syndrome. I also started interacting with my daughter. She was desperate for me to start loving her, and she continued loving me until I broke down and did the same. I was scared to accept my daughter because that would mean accepting her disability. But the reality was the only thing keeping me from loving my daughter was my own ignorance. I slowly began to see the beautiful girl that would change my life forever.

And finally, for the first time since my conversion in college, I talked to God. I talked to Him just like He was sitting in a chair beside me because that was the true barrier in my life. I was honest with God throughout the entire process, and that is when I started finding peace. Healing was a slow process and a long journey, but I am thankful for the life-changing transformation Marley brought to my faith.

It is true, there are difficult times having a daughter with Down syndrome. But it also true that she is very much like any other child. Marley smiles, laughs, plays, makes mistakes, and, most importantly, completes our family. The medical community focuses on so many of the challenges associated with Down syndrome that we develop an unnecessary fear — but these are only differences. The truth is I am a better person today because of my daughter, my daughter who has Down syndrome. I am grateful for a wife that was willing to push me to change, and support me when I struggled.

I am still saddened that Marley has Down syndrome, but I am beginning to realize that God can bless us regardless of our circumstances. I will never be able to fully understand why Marley has Down syndrome, but I do know she has made a difference in my life, my wife’s life, and in the lives of so many in our community.

May God Bless You and Yours,
Jack Barr, Author
http://www.amazon.com/Failing-Fatherhood-book-imperfect-father-ebook/dp/B00OSSQDGA

A Personal Guest Writer Interview By Andi Cumbo-Floyd At AndiLit.

Hello and Welcome Readers,

Hello and welcome to my new Book Blog! December was a pretty busy month for my book and myself. So I thought I would start the New Year off with sharing a wonderful ‘Guest Author Interview’ by Andi Cumbo-Floyd that was done and shared on her fantastic and helpful website here:

 

She is a writer, editor, and author herself, and she enjoys learning through interviewing other authors about their books and writing process. She was kind enough to do a wonderful interview about my book.
Here first is a little about Andi Cumbo-Floyd, and what she does to help other authors and writers.

About Andi Cumbo-Floyd:

I’m a writer, a teacher, an editor, and a reader.  Sometimes more of one of those than the other.

Recently, I published a book called The Slaves Have NamesThe book tells the stories of the people who were enslaved on the plantation where I was raised and shares my journey of getting to know them.  I self-published the book, a decision a vacillate between loving and loathing, depending on the moment and the predominance of solar flares.

I write mainly creative nonfiction and sometimes get something published. Most often I just get rejection letters that I dutifully file because some day I’ll be able to make my own recycled paper house from crushed up and hardened rejection slips. Additionally, I teach writing and edit manuscripts for other writers. I hold an MFA in Creative Writing and an MA in Literature, and I’ve taught at several colleges and universities all around the country including George Mason University, Cecil College, Stevenson University, Santa Clara University, and Solano College. For more about Andi, please visit here website  www.andilit.com . . .
Especially if you’re a writer.
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My Interview About ‘Failing At Fatherhood, A book for the imperfect father’

Write to Serve Others – A Writers Write Interview with Jack Barr

When a friend writes me and says, Would you interview my friend? I do everything I can to say yes.  So this interview is a result of that request from my college friend Manny.  If you have ever struggled with the path your life has taken, if you love someone who has Down Syndrome, if you doubt the reasons you life has come the way it has, I think you’ll appreciate the words of Jack Barr.

Failing at Fatherhood by Jack Barr

1. Tell me about your latest project.

I have recently written my first book, Failing at Fatherhood.  It was released this past November.  A publisher contacted me about two years ago after he read my article about our family on CNN.  He encouraged me to write a book and share my story with a broader community. That led me to writing Failing at Fatherhood.

2. What role, if any, did books, writing, and reading play in your childhood?

I was not an avid reader growing up.  My parents encouraged me to read, but I was more interested in outside activities.  After I became a Christian in college, reading became more important to me.  One author that encouraged me in my journey was Tony Campolo.  His book, Carpe Diem, opened my eyes to our calling as Christians and the needs of others
around us.

3. What is your writing practice, your writing routine?

Since I have finished my book, I occasionally blog.  Usually I blog when something in the news or my life strikes me as an interesting story to share with others.  Recently I wrote about Brittany Maynard and Lauren Hill.  I shared my own thoughts about their stories and my personal experience of watching my father die of cancer when I was eighteen years old.

4. Who are you reading now?

I have three authors that I follow on a regular basis: Michael Connelly, John Grisham, & Ken Follett.  I enjoy “getting lost” in their stories and taking a break from my other responsibilities.  I also read various Christian authors when I find a topic interesting to me.  Right now I am working through a devotional book entitled, Conversations, by Brian Rice.

5. What are three of your all-time favorite books? Why do you love those?

Tony Campolo – Carpe Diem – It was the first Christian book I read that embraced difficult questions about Christian beliefs.  Tony gives you honest insight into what it means to be a Christian and follow that calling.

John Grisham – A Time to Kill – I grew up in the South, so many issues in this book I saw in my own community.  This is the first book I read by Grisham, and I have been reading his books ever since.  The book gives us a true glimpse into racism and makes us question our beliefs about justified murders.

Mitch Albom – Tuesdays with Morrie – This book prompted me to become a teacher and the purpose of my life.  The topics discussed in this memoir should be topics discussed between every pupil and teacher.

6. How do you balance “building a writing platform” and the actual writing to set on that platform?

I didn’t really follow a traditional writing process.  I just wrote my story. It was easy for me to write because it was a story I wanted to share.  After battling depression for a year, I knew I wanted to help other fathers.  The publisher contacted me before the book, so I was writing with the idea that my book would be published. Since writing the book, I have learned that promoting a book might be the hardest aspect of being an author.

7. What is a typical day like for you?

First we live in Bangkok, and I am a teacher at an international school.  I start each day at 7am at teacher devotions.  From 7am till 3pm, I am teaching or overseeing the athletic program at our school.  Usually from 3pm till 5pm, I am coaching a sports team after school.  At 5pm, I journey home to spend time with my wife and daughter.  My daughter goes to bed around 8pm, and I read for an hour before going to bed around 9pm.

8. Describe your dream writing space?

Somewhere quiet.  Does not really matter the location.  As long as my three-year-old daughter is not running around my feet, then it will work for me.

9. What is the hardest writing critique you ever received? How did you respond?

That was probably some of the comments from readers about my CNN article. I wrote about my journey in raising a daughter with Down syndrome.  I never realized that people could be extremely mean and hurtful.  I am not a traditional writer so when people critique my writing, I accept that with a willingness to improve.  But when people attack my beliefs, personal choices, and my own daughter for being different, I realized that the world could be a hurtful place.  How did I respond?  I cried.

10. What is the best wisdom you have to share with other writers?

Marley and Jack BarrWrite about what you care about.  I never wrote to be famous or to earn income.  I wrote because I cared about the topic and my future readers.  If you write to serve others, then you will always be happy with the finished product.

Jack and Jana Barr are missionaries in Bangkok, Thailand. Three years ago, Jack and Jana did not know God would use their daughter Marley, to forever alter their life plan.  Marley was born with Down syndrome and that event sent Jack crashing into a sea of depression. They started, If They Had A Voice, an awareness campaign that focuses on Down syndrome abortions.   Jack also wrote his first book, Failing at Fatherhood. . .

I want to Thank Andi for this in-depth interview she kindly did and shared on here website. I hope those of you who read this interview have a little more insight about my book, and my writing process. As this being my first book, I’ve had many doors open to share my book and message about Down Syndrome. I was also honored in December with a Silver Adult Book Award by The Mom’s Choice Awards, and also a live interview on Blog Talk Radio about my book as well.  So yes December was a busy month for me.

I thank you all who have come to visit, and have followed my new blog. I and my  family appreciate the support!
I hope you will support us by purchasing your copy of my book today on Amazon Books here: http://www.amazon.com/Failing-Fatherhood-book-imperfect-father/dp/1940145309/
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Product Details

Failing at Fatherhood: A book for the imperfect father

About My Book:

Winner Mom’s Choice Award

“Why do I fear her so much? Marley is my own flesh and blood, yet I lie here silently as a new father wondering if I will be here in the morning.”

When Jack Barr and his wife, Jana, had their first child, they were overcome with joy and excitement. Three days later, as they prepared to leave the hospital, two doctors entered their room debating whether newborn baby Marley, had Down syndrome. Mixed in with the confusion of whether or not their daughter was chromosomally different, Jack and Jana knew their lives would be changed forever.

Failing at Fatherhood embraces Jack’s honest struggles as a father, after receiving his child’s diagnosis of Down syndrome three weeks after her birth. He excavates the past, examines the present, and explores his future life in a sincere attempt to understand his personal failures as a father during his first year of parenthood. Throughout the book, Jack wrestles with the decision of divorce, suicide, and the existence of God. However, with His ultimate direction, Jack is able to understand the significance of fathers being committed to their children.
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My Book Is Now A Mom’s Choice Silver Award Winner.

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May God Bless You,
Jack Barr, Author